This was going to be a book..
     
Main Page

Invisible's Page

Drawings

Red Self-existing Moon

Stinky Butt's Page

Orange Peels and Cigarettes

Astrology

My Perspective on EMPTINESS

God

Water Crystals and Intentions

What the #%!@ do we know!!!

Starting

Realblog

About . . .

 

 

Orange Peels

And

Cigarettes

IT’S A GOOD THING

 

....................other people sit on toilet seats.................


I ALWAYS WANT TO SCRAMBLE A BUNCH OF *&%#!? DOWN AND REREAD IT, CRITISIZE IT AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

Here’s my opportunity to turn what I’ve learned into a scrapbook of meaningless gibberish.

I have conjured up some literature and mainly pointless ramblings from the following humans:

(Whom I also want to thank for putting their efforts into forming this amazing work of art)

THE NAMES WILL BE WRITTEN AS NICK NAMES IN ORDER TO PROTECT THEIR IDENTITY. YOU KNOW... JUST INCASE......

Invisible (BFB)

Stinky Butt (DG)

Taytay (TG)

Ti (TH)

Dragon Child (CW)

&

Others..

 

 

Our Marble Hearted Goddess

The sun has set and brought forth a new day to cry on.

The moon has strayed yet staying hidden behind the clouds she watches.

The days have become a moment of thought.

A moment that slowly disfigures itself into a false reality as the memory becomes tarnished.

A god fallen from the stars. Carrying her moment with her.

She wonders through the skies, creating her path.

 

reticence/ inhibition

The stumbler in disbelief,

Dreaming, relinquishing

A body,

dieing,

buried in a cave

tearing at the stoned questions of reality

breaking heart or hope

in despair, drowning within her mind

convincing her self worthy of a struggle

Mute.

Desperate

Placate

Indispensable

antagonizing

is it?

 

 

 

Why

Is it that

We can’t listen to

the silent whispers of our

spirit’s tragic memory, borrowed

deep inside the intricate web of stars? Do

you ever stop to take notice? My theory is that if we

didn’t need to eat, drink, or sleep we could do everything for fun,

since we wouldn’t have any worries. We could go out and make anything

and share because we wouldn’t need anything in return. If we wanted to lay somewhere

for days we could, we could wait till our time was ready (the pyramid of thoughts generating from a

simple un asked question. Why are we only paid as drones and thrown in a mental spiritual prison?) What's in

it for all of us? WHO ARE WE??? Why can’t I remember yesterday to it’s fullest? Why am I existing? Here on this earth?

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

  And Now It Begins

A vulgar desire half eaten

An un-relished appetite prayed for

Kicking the habit

Permission given

Indulge in the treats of emptiness

-BFB

 

"Hold me, protect me.

I’ve been my own barrier the entire time"

-Ti (TH)

 

Murder my heart and keep it-BFB

Too stupid to accept the theory of a "rose by another name"- Stinky Butt (DG)

"Come burn away in my mind. That void by the side of the shell, aching for redemption of a long awaited friend. Cut me open, reveal my impurity. Bleed this truth from its cage. Drown in its simplicity. Umm.. my mind is a cesspool from where all living things flow."-DG

 

 


Questions I ask the void called life:

How can I go deep with in my self and find the answers to my being? How can I find all my minds expectations and just let it go?

There is this voice in side my being that calls me and is muffled by my minds interference. How can I let that go and listen to my own voice instead of the pounding of ‘what im supposed to feel and think.

Am I really that shocking to be around?

Everyone seems to fear me. They seem to fear me more than I fear them. Why is it I think the way I feel? How do others know themselves? who is going to answer me?

Where can I find hope?

Why is it so odd to find myself alone. I prefer to be alone and yet I wont allow myself to believe it. am I waiting for david or hoping he wont show up? Why is it I can’t feel if im hungry my mind tells me I should be hungry after not eating for days. I don’t feel the need to eat much. Nothing is calling my attention to food. I believe we have a different source of energy . love.

Food feels like a cover up. A drug to mask your feels. Every substance alters me and pulls me away. I want to feel what to eat. Do I need to?

I feel good. Would I have been feeling better if I had eaten? It takes my mind into my stumach where I cant feel anymore. Has any one takin the time to find themselves? why am I ?

What is it they feel?

Can I relate? Can any one relate to another? Where do we all meet? Where is God?

Today I hope he doesn’t show up. Im not as ready as I want to be. I understand now why my mom types away at the computer. It’s a type of communication for us. To possibly reach ourself. i could write a book on questions.

Am I looking in the right direction? Why cant you answer me why cant I here you?

Where is it im going? Where is it you follow me?

Why cant I see you? Why cant I feel? You don’t belong to me. I wish for you to leave. Leave me be.

Cant you just shake me wake me up. I feel ready. I wish I found my purpose. I wish id find my reason. Is it for me to call my own?

Where can we meet? Where can I find you? How can I hear you?

How do I see you? Are you just a figure with arms outstreach for me to move? Do I have the right to move you for me? Do I have to the right to feel you and your body? Can I really see you? Is it you I feel? Or is it myself?

 

  Emancipation Denied

 

Mask: I am what steals your self esteem

The mask behind your face- revealed

I am the promise of revengeful sufferance

The pain that staggers through your mind

I am the disease you call guilt

The hole that masticates beauty- not hate

I am the cage around your eyes

The morbid girl inside your heart

I am what you fear to let go

The reality that’s born twisted, distorted, destroyed

Slave: You are the physical I hold within

The creation of my own assumptions

You are the familiar stranger I love through hate

The man who rapes my solid insecurities

You are the reason for my shield of distance

The dimension I have fallen into

You are the void I have torn myself from

The empty place replacing your past existence

You are the demon clawing behind my vision- bleeding

The cream of silk that fills- completes me, soothingly

Stuck inside were both prisoners, crying, screaming

Denial eats away at our recovery

We are whole together forever

Co dependently weak, when alone incomplete

You are my reason, I am your murderer

We die lost, our life is taken- stolen from us

-BFB


an aged photo....... hehehe.......

  Relentless Fait


What does that mean exactly?

Was it just committed to paper for a nice touch?

Or did my subconsceince drag it out of me knowing what it meant and secretly asking me to explore further.

Relentless doesn’t that mean with out mercy? Fait . Isn’t that having trust in life?

Un-merciful trust

Is that the same thing? Meaning?



Nostalgia

Stolen Reminiscence

Identities

 

Lying in the forest was a girl who had fallen from a world unknown to humans.

Her world was similar to the spirit world, one without limits or rules, one that could not see the physical world. No distinct time.

 

"It’s so cold," she shuddered. Anna opened her eyes in amazement and looked around. There were strange forms sprouting up from the solid below her dark and solid in color; and then falling from the tops, were colored shapes they were swaying, as if clear energy was pushing them in a violent motion. She looked down now to see what she had been lying in. Cold. Unlike the solid support, it was transparent. It seemed to move as she touched it.

"What is this?" She stood up and that’s when she realized her shape. Peculiar. Two long extensions of herself below her eyes, and then another two holding her up. She quickly lost her balance and fell to the support below.

"My world is not made of these things..," she whispered to herself. She moved one of the extensions of herself up to touch the shaped creature she was in.

"What is happening? Where did I come from? Before this I wasn’t... I wasn’t this. Now I’m crouched down on this solid.. thing..?"

Crawling over to the unfamiliar shape, she hit it.

"Ow!" An odd sensation crawled through her.

"What the hell is that feeling!?" She couldn’t take it any more and closed her eyes.

"What do I remember.. I remember sight, touch and feeling. This must be what the beings’ memories were about. This must be pain." She tried to stand up.

"I’m here!" she yelled inside her mind. She stumbled back down to the ground.

"Oh my god.. I’m.. here." She took in a deep breath of air.

"We did it! This is a human body! An arm, a leg, a mouth. Oh shit, what have I gotten myself into?" All of a sudden the world started to fade as she was drawn back.

"Wait! No! I haven’t had any time yet! Wait!!!"

She was back. Alone. Her soul’s pattern was scattered with static. The memory had been left in the previous world. Stunned, she looked around and saw her friend coming over to her.

"How did I get here?" she thought silently.

"I thought I was just with Toquet and his friends.. " She looked up as she heard Kyki’s voice ask her a question.

"..Are you going to try it?

"Try what?" she answered annoyed. Her tone slowly changing back to normal, a soft-warm-green.

"Toquet told me you were curious about..." she narrowed her eyes at Anna waiting for an answer.

"About... what?"

"You know.. the journey thing... Did you try it?"

"Oh.." she paused still stunned, she hadn’t even thought it had happened. She remembered that Toquet and a couple of others were all around her and were telling her what to do in order to "slide out". And now she was here, in a different space, without them.

"Yes, I think I just got back," she said, questioning herself at the same time.

"So!! What was it like? The world, the people!?" Kyki was so excited she was shining in an unusual tone of indigo and pearl.

"Wait! Calm down." She thought for a moment

"Uh...People?"

When she had fallen into that body, the connection of her soul had been pushed so far away she had forgotten everything.

"I... I can’t remember..," she sounded disappointed

"What? Why not?" Kyki questioned, feeling Anna’s disappointment along with her own.

"I don’t know.. I must have left the memory in the other world... I guess..," Anna glanced down into her self as if inside her she could find the lost memory.

"Are you even sure I went?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah, Toquet said he saw you change and disappear."

"Oh" Her burgundy hue leaked out of her as she turned an icy blue.

"What’s wrong?" Kyki asked quietly.

Anna hesitated. She tried to find the memory, but it wasn’t inside her. Her soul sunk. The icy blue became darker and she shut Kyki out. Kyki stared, puzzled.

 

 

 

 

*

Kyki was Anna’s closest thing to a friend. Her long slender figure was usually misty and swirling until she was angered and then it turned solid and still. Kyki and several others were ~Aquas~, beings that had no physical body, just beams of light and energy. As their moods changed so did their colors and tone. It’s what humans called the soul (or aura around their bodies) that could not be seen by the naked human eye. The Aquas had a theory that they had once been human, but none of them could remember their past world since the creation of Anna.

Anna was the closest link they had. She was said to be the source of all their souls. She was created by chance when they were all forced to combine together in order to escape from the ~Satoa~ race (their arch-enemies). As they returned to their individual selves, there was a ball of light in the center of their group, slowly growing and forming into what is now Anna. As she grew, all the entities around her, good and evil, lost their colors, tones and talents, leaving behind only invisible souls. All powerless and empty, memories lost, they turned to Anna, the baby/offspring of the group who held all their talents and memories. Just like any ordinary human, she could not possibly remember all the memories of the others. She was just as lost as they were.

Slowly, she taught the clear souls the memories as she started remembering them. Until then they waited. Although Anna had all the memories, there was no way she could give them back. It would destroy her. She was the "Being" of memories. She was called, the one and only, unique "~Memory~".

 

 

 

*

Toquet appeared out of nowhere and glowed as he saw Anna. Then he noticed her shield of distance.

Turning to Kyki, he sent a private message just linked between them.

"Did you find anything out? We sent a couple of others but they haven’t come back yet."

Kyki sent him the feeling of loss and then the memory of the conversation between she and Anna. He let Kyki know he understood and disappeared again.

 

Toquet was another type of Entity. He belonged to the ones called ~Reflections~. His powers were further developed than Kyki’s. Toquet was able to combine himself with other beings naturally, where as, Kyki was taught by Anna. Normally he had an aura that was clear; he was able to copy the tone of others and become them, sharing their memories plus his own. Toquet like all the other ~Reflections~, did not have to be taught by Anna. The Reflections had been at the war when Anna was created; however, unlike the Aquas, their abilities had not been erased since their reflective frequencies are innate. They only lost their memories and experiences. As for the ~Satoa~ race, they were now the same as Aquas, lost students willing to learn. None of the entities could define the old ~Satoa~ race without the memory of who they were individually. All was forgiven and forgotten.

As Anna kept inside her shell, she went to visit some recovered memories that she kept secret. Her favorite one was on the beach walking on the sand and feeling the water splash onto the body. The eyes were blurry and unclear. "I wish Nico had looked around more when he was human. I want to see the ocean and the sun setting. Why doesn’t he ever turn his head? Why is he walking away now?" she thought to her -self and tried to figure out all of the visions inside her mind. For some reason Nico’s memories were easiest for Anna to read, although she couldn’t feel any emotions coming from the memory. She could only see what he had seen. Switching to another event, she discovered a new memory. She got a quick flash of a man’s life before her eyes. It was Kyki’s. Kyki was staring into the mirror. She was male with dark brown hair and intense hazel eyes. She was shaving her male face and the feelings emanating through him were eagerness, impatience and love.

Anna watched the male-Kyki wash up and turn toward the door, putting his hand on the metal doorknob, and walk over to a balcony. He slid open the glass door and stepped onto the cold tile. A chill went through his body. Pulling his jacket closer to his body, he reached for his glass.

This was new to Anna. None of her previous memories had been so detailed, so real. He set his lips on the glass and Anna could feel his tongue touch the water with a strong thirst. Tilting the angle, slowly the carbonated liquid filled his mouth. His mind entered it as a "nice whisky-coke- fresh and cold". As he swallowed it, he unconsciously pushed his tongue up against the top of his mouth. Anna was thrilled with excitement. He was waiting for someone. He looked down at his watch impatiently. She was late. Linda, a feminine woman with gentle curves and a loving smile. The feeling of Linda in the memory hit Anna hard as she realized she knew Linda as Nico.

"Nico, the one on the beach?"

Anna was trying to connect the two and as she started, the memories left.

"Damn! Now I’ll have to find it again." Anna tried to piece together what she learned.

"Everything he thought and felt, I thought. I felt it. I understood and ... I knew.." she repeated this several times inside herself, letting all that she had learned soak in.

"This world is so beautiful. Full of life." Her pleasure came crashing down when she realized where she was.

"I’ll tell the others when I know more, to explain how.." Slowly dazing off she wished she had had her own personal memory to hold on to. There was no point in sleeping in this world, with a mind like Anna’s, she could dream all the time.

The pain he felt as his wife died, the pain as his kids died and now the pain as he tumbled to the floor and gasped for breath. Anna could barely see through the foggy memory, but she felt him jerking his hands in the air. Fear and mistrust filled her. For the first time she could hear what he was saying.

"Hey, ..Anna?" Yamm spun around her in order to get her attention.

"Oh …damn. I lost it.. if only I could remember what he was saying, then I could know more of their language. Well besides the ‘nice whisky-coke; fresh and cold’ I know what that means now, but that doesn’t help me much." She stopped thinking of words and humans and closed her mind. Then she removed her shield to communicate with Yamm. Luckily for her she could not be read. She was, of course, the only being that was a ‘one-sided mirror.’ No one could take anything from her, even if she wanted to help them that way, it wasn’t possible.

"Yeah, Yamm?" she said lovingly. She loved Yamm. He was goofy, and always curious and patient with her.

"I was just …uh, wonderin’ how you felt …cuz the uh, y’know whole experience thingy..," he said nervously.

"You worried ‘bout me?" she asked, comforted by his concern.

"I heard that the memory was lost in the other world … " His aura was pulsating as he swayed back and forth. He knew how much this task had meant to Anna.

She was smiling inside, enjoying the connection.

"Don’t worry about it Yamm. We have time don’t we?" She stared at him doubting if that was true.

Just then Nico appeared, he was in an odd discolorment as if he had been pierced and was bleeding energy underneath his surface. Anna turned to him as if in slow motion; her world pulsating with fear as he continued to rip apart.

He was hurt. Obviously something strange and unknown was happening. He had also been an entity who "slipped" into the vortex to visit earth. Anna shrieked a signal to Toquet who immediately enveloped himself around and into Nico, to become part of him in order to give him strength. Nico became dormant and sunk into Toquet.

"Did he say anything!," Toquet gasped.

Still in slow motion, Anna responded with dead silence.

 

 

*

Anna, Lawni, Waz and Leduc had volunteered themselves to enter the other world where it was possible that they would never return. In a world without time, if they are not back instantly they will never appear again.

 

"Who did we lose?" Anna asked

"Lawni. She was the only one left. Leduc arrived over by Kyki, and Waz was found right behind the portal." Toquet replied.

"Do any of them remember anything at all?"

"No. Nothing"

 

 
   
 

I don't know what this is for