How often have you made a new descision through a past experience?

how often does a drop of water run down the same part of your hand? lightning, never strikes twice in the same spot yet we seem to believe that we can make the same mistakes.

Tell me, how is this true?

How could we ever live in yesterday?  (ooo! what if yesterday is Today, just replayed.: )

I think a more practical way to use your mind when it comes to your past memories is for you to simply observe. there is no need to prevent the same thing from happening. unless you want the same thing to happen. if you are in a thought of avoiding a particular situation, what is it that you are experiencing in this moment? Youre experiencing exactly that. a memorie is as powerful to your mind as is an actual experience.

the same parts of your brain light up for example. when you eat an orange or think you're eating an orange..

You are in a black room. the walls are endless. there is no gravity in this room.

• what do you see?
• who is there?
• what does your body look like?
• how do you feel?
• what are you thinking?

Now, you are at work or in school or at home...

• what do you see?
• who is there?
• what does your body look like?
• how do you feel?
• What are you thinking?

There is an emptiness that everybody feels inside themself. (Actually there are a few people who dont feel this empty space, I'm Sure).

I have turned around and around, gone upside down, to try and make myself comfortable in this world, this body.

I noticed more and more frequently that everytime i felt that empty feeling i would long for something. Maybe it's food, i would ask myself. i go and open up the fridge. no. maybe im uncomfortable? yes. what would help me? what can i do to feel at ease again?

well i was asking this question and all of a sudden i heard my own voice say. "It's time to make a choice, the emtiness inside you is where your choices are created. When the last choice has been completed you feel empty again."

i stared ahead of me. hmmm... i began to ponder about choice, which lead me to free will.  Now im not a religious person, but there is something that we constantly find in every religion. They claim that God has given us free will. This is a free will universe.

okay this is good. let's go with that.

if this is a free will unviverse then how could i possibly be able to use my free will. what would free will feel like?

Well in theory, 'free will' would be the absence of everything. That would be the only way that we could do something freely: if nothing were to exist, we would have nothing to control or influence are descisions, right?

so is that emptyness inside me free will? the only way to find out is to begin making a choice when ever i feel empty.

how odd! i am now noticing that everytime i am inbetween, at an end of something, i can feel myself begin to stir.

after you watch a movie and you are all relaxed, the credits are playing. It's too late to start a new movie, and it would probably not be wise to watch two in a row... cancle that thought.... well i could.... continue reading that book that was so interesting... no i feel lazy.. do i feel lazy? or do i want to feel lazy.

ANOTHER HUGE BUT very small ChOiCe 

Recently i Have quit smoking and i can feel my nerves reacting in so many different ways. I was standing next to the dinner table and my mom's cigarettes were on the table.  We usually share them so its a natural reaction to reach over and pull one out. while scanning the rest of the table for the lighter. But this time i was watching my self in third person. My arm slowly reaching over towards the pack... and I am in awe. Seriously. as if im sitting cross legged inside my head looking out. "What the hell are you doing?" I squeaked!

"oh.."   I was actually embarrassed...

haha how funny is that! i dont even want to smoke! ha! i have no urges. how crazy. and my body is like .. "give.. me... cig..arettes..... ooooo...."

oh man.....

Well so then i decided to draw inorder to pass time. It's only 5pm.....      ooooiiiiihhhh....

i had to close one of my eyes so i could focus! What is going on!?   First thing i said to myself was PLEASE DO NOT LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!!  You're beautiful. trust me. ... okay dont trust me. but I'm telling you.. i know better then you do.

i think i'm gonna avoid the mirrors. well avoid the critical examination that i might end up doing. cuz don't we all do that some times? especially when time has slowed down. try washing your hair. 'is all the soap out yet?' , 'wait, did i just wash my hair?' 

hey.. this helps. laughing. the more i laugh about how i feel. and take it as it comes. i feel ten times better.

yes! of course! why stress about abandoning the crutch for stress. geez what a paradox.

what cigarettes do is numb your nerves. just like advil. that thins your blood. the only thing is after your nerves begin to feel again they react to everything.  it's a form of control. a form of denial. i would say. it has so many abilities. its no wonder why people take this. it's either that one cigarette or 20 other things can replace one.

hmmmmmmm......... 

say youre in a cold pool of water, and all of a sudden you get a whole bunch of those shivers. you are not used to the temp. any more.  same difference.

aye. no more talk about this. blah.

im gonna listen to some music and enjoy the way i feel. it's kind of like taking drugs for the first time. i like thinking of things as not giving away for giving to

you dont need to let go of the cigarette. you just need to take more of your life back.